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Cat Polling To Replace Traditional Political Polling

Posted by Brian Singh Tuesday, April 1, 2014, 0:13 am
With remarkably low response rates to telephone and online panel surveys at this time, Canadian polling & market research agency Zinc Tank is pleased to announce the launch of its Pet Electoral Tracking Study (PETS).

CAT POLLING

 

By Brian Singh

After a host of polling issues in the 2012 elections, today there is a real option in more accurate public opinion research. Cat polling. But not only cats. All pets.

With remarkably low response rates to telephone and online panel surveys at this time, Canadian polling & market research agency Zinc Tank is pleased to announce the launch of its Pet Electoral Tracking Study (PETS).

With approximately 80 million pets (2012) in the United States, it’s no surprise that owner’s love to speak on behalf of their cats and dogs. The Zinc Tank research team has tapped into this passion and developed the proprietary neuroscience technique Anthro Linguistic Projective Organization (ALPO). This has led to remarkably incredible response rates and more representative data than has been seen for years. Zinc Tank found that cat surveys are highly accurate because cats are highly random – a 1,000 cat poll is by definition a “random” sample. Such a sample constitutes a herd, and “herd” is the new listening – the successor to social media monitoring.

“We have found that owners considered their pets politically engaged and accurately reflect the opinion of the household,” stated Chief Methodologist, Brian F. Singh. “An intriguing finding was that grey cats tended to vote Republican, while black & white short hairs leaned Democrat. Siamese were almost exclusively Independent.”

“As a critic of all traditional polling methods, we feel that cats and dogs opinions best represent the state of party preference and performance of leaders. PETS is proven out-of-the-litter box thinking. With its success, and US Census Bureau’s cat census notoriously out of date, we are in discussion with Google to develop “Google Cat,” to help calibrate their insights algorithms.”

President Obama’s dogs, Bo and Sunny, were unavailable for comment. But rumor has it they are independent voters.

I think we can all look forward to PETS playing a key role in the 2014 mid-term and 2016 election cycles.

We’ll be showcasing this amazing new innovation at the 1st ever IIeX Animal Innovation Forum in collaboration with the ASPCA and American Kennel Club at our event in Atlanta in June.  Stay tuned for more details!

 

 

*Note: This is an April Fool’s prank. With the exception of the opening statement, none of this is true. Polling is an important part of living in a democracy, but we can also have some fun at its expense. We hope that this parody made your day a little more entertaining. No animals were hurt in the preparation of this news release.
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7 Responses to “Cat Polling To Replace Traditional Political Polling”

  1. Carlo Erminero says:

    April 1st, 2014 at 3:12 am

    I have red it with great pleasure, opening my mail. Here it is now 8.00 a.m (CET) and you provided a nice way to start my working day. Thank you!

  2. Beth George says:

    April 1st, 2014 at 4:58 am

    Great way to start the day. It’s brightened up everyone’s day here at the office, so thank you! :)

  3. joel rubinson says:

    April 1st, 2014 at 6:01 am

    actually, the most important news of the day…Facebook agrees it is unfair that users don’t get a dime in exchange for generating billions of dollars of ad revenues and decides it should pay each user in virtual currency.

    well, it IS April 1st!

  4. Leonard Murphy says:

    April 1st, 2014 at 9:33 am

    LOL, yeah, that is far fetched. I’ve said before though if they had offered every user a share of stock when they went IPO they would be the most valuable company on the planet.

  5. HUFFPOLLSTER: Why The DC Mayoral Polls Will (Or Won’t) Be Right | The News On Time says:

    April 1st, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    […] -The one and only April Fools’ link in today’s HuffPollster. You’re welcome. [Greenbookblog] […]

  6. Ava Lindberg says:

    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:30 am

    Given the emphasis on new techniques, I totally enjoyed the cat polling article with an open mind to thinking…hmmm, why not, and then read it was, of course, an April Fool’s prank. As a cultural anthropologist who observes deeply inside consumer homes and often find connections between products, services, and household icons that are unexpected, some of which I report and others I keep for papers or ideas in the future, I am actually curious whether pet ownership or pet dynamics can give us new types of insight for human behaviors and preferences…more than is applicable for pet food products and brands. One hypothesis I use in our observational work is to ask how pets are treated and with what foods and brands pets are fed, as well as toys, treats, etc., which give us a sense of internal and external nurturing. In some ways, the treatment of pets is a kind of projective device that mirrors the rest of the household. For instance, in some households, when pets are given healthy snacks with vitamins and supplements, it is likely that the rest of the family also are committed to healthy eating and holistic alternatives.

  7. Nicholas Tortorello says:

    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:53 pm

    Thank you for a laugh. I was sincerely hoping this was not true and was an April fool’s joke or I would have been looking for an new profession.

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